Death: By VideoGame Character
by Argent Inluminai
Summary: The hopefully ongoing tale of one hapless Authorcreation, forced to die like many a playercontrolled character over, and over, and over...
1. Prologue: Intro & Index

**Death: By Video-Game Character**

All… is darkness. Suddenly, from out the darkness, a shape begins to take form, eventually solidifying into a stage. A podium, crowned by a microphone, appears front-and-center, as what appears to be a teenager of about eighteen or nineteen walks on from stage-left. He wears a black t-shirt with a grinning orange jack-o-lantern on the front, along with a pair of dark-blue jeans and nondescript boots, but the most noticable features are the russet-red fox-ears perched atop his head, and the white-tipped tail behind him. Other than that, he looks human, and his dark-garnet eyes glower as he adjusts the microphone.

"Testing, testing… One, two…" His voice rings clearly into the darkness, and he clears his throat before he begins.

"Okay, I guess this deserves some explanation… All right, I suppose you could say it demands it. Well, it all started on a forum… which one isn't all that important… and a thread called 'Be Killed By A Video-Game Character.'"

He pauses briefly, as though considering, then shrugs. "Okay, so it's not so complicated after all. Here, you'll find the results of that thread, as posted by the Author, and featuring me. You can call me Jace. I'll be your hapless plaything for the amusement of a higher power.

"And yes, before you ask, this _IS_ pointless. _AND_ pointlessly-cruel. This should tell you something about the Author, but maybe you'll enjoy it anyway."

Glowering, he shuts off the mike and leaves the stage.

**INDEX**

**Chapter 1: Intro (You Are Here)**

Chapter 2: The First Post

Chapter 3: Star spoiler

Chapter 4: Trespassing

Chapter 5: Quiet Riot

Chapter 6: teh Desert

Chapter 7: One Wheel'd


	2. Chapter 1: The First Post

**Death: By Video-Game Character**

**Chapter One: The First Post**

_The saga begins, like many often do, with a challenge: In this case, the challenge ran something along the lines of: "Kill yourself off, and have your assassin be a video-game character." It should mean something that the Author substituted, instead, a young NPC named Jace. Jace would hold that it makes the Author either Cruel or a Coward._

_The Author says it means "not being dumb enough to get killed myself."_

It begins with the fizzling-on of a video-camera, apparently mounted on a tripod in a reasinably-well-furnished office-room. Jace is in the center of the field, sitting easily in an office-chair set behind a typical-looking hardwood desk. Glancing up at the camera, he grins.

"Sorry to disappoint, but this whole 'Be Killed by a Video-Game Character" thing? It's just not gonna work out for me."

Leaning back, he hits a button on the small remote by his hand, and the camera zooms out a bit to take in the whole of the desk.

"I mean, I'm just… safe."

The camera zooms out further, revealing that a moat of what appears to be quicksand surrounds his desk-area; another zoom-out reveals the room to be criss-crossed with bright-red laser-beams. Another zoom-out, presumably switching to another camera, reveals the room to be part of an underground bunker, while the above-ground area over the complex is ringed by razor-wire, the blue sparks here-and-there seeming to hint at it being electrified. There's an extreme zoom on a small, white-paper sign stuck to the razor-wire; charred at the edges, it seems to read, "Beware the Leopard."

Abruptly, the camera returns to Apathetic, still seated in his chair; grinning, he folds his arms across he chest and leans back in the chair, smug-looking. "So," he begins, "as I was saying…"

As he begins to speak, unaware of the approaching danger, a vague white form appears behind, forming itself into a Mario-world Boo as it emerged from the wall.

"… there's absolutely _NO WAY_…"

The Boo's razor-sharp teeth come down over the unsuspecting Jace, the strange creature apparently swallowing him whole, and on broadcast TV. There's a silence in the room, a sudden stillness, and the Boo seems to suddenly notice that it's on TV. Smiling toothily at the camera, it waves a stubby appendage enthusiastically, then begins to juggle grapefruit.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 2: Star spoiler

**Death: By Video-Game Character**

**Chapter Two: Star spoiler**

_Last time, our intrepid (?) hero (?) had been devoured by a Boo, and live on TV at that. Was that his final broadcast?_

_And no, the following does NOT have a spoiler for any given video-game. It's an inside joke. Forget it._

The camera fizzles to life once more, this time in a very different setting; compared to the quiet dullness of the last "setting," this time we find ourselves looking at a bar, an array of… "interesting"-looking patrons milling about in the background, while in the foreground is…

… _GASP_! …

… Jace, sitting at the bar, looking slightly the worse for wear with a bandage around his head, but altogether okay. In fact, he's nowhere _NEAR_ as dead as we thought he'd be. Why is that, exactly?

"Well," he says, leaning forward on his crossed arms, "I'm back… and I'm not dead. Not really, anyway. Y'see, while I _DID_ get eaten by a Boo, the funny thing about Boos is… they're ghosts! And being insubstantial really doesn't do much for letting them actually hurt you… at least, not if you are neither a short plumber nor any of his aquaintences. It turns out I just passed out from the shock… and from the mild concussion I received when I fell through the Boo and hit the floor. The carpet did _nothing_ to soften the concrete beneath it."

He gingerly touches the bandage, and winces. "_Ow_," he remarks.

"And so," he continues, "I'm here, in a bar at the far end of the galaxy. Why? Well, I figured that I picked the safest place ever to hide in the first time, and it got me eaten. The theory, then, would go that since a dive bar at the far end of space is _OBVIOUSLY_ a bad place to be, it would – in my case – be the _ACTUALLY_ safest place to go."

Leaning back a bit on his bar-stool, he grins. "So, I'm thinking I could use a drink before I…" There's a crash off to one side, and his fox-ears twitch as he cranes his neck in that direction. The ruckus continues, and he seems to be trying to look over or through the crowd before turning back to the camera. "Seems like _SOME_ people already had a few drinks too many," he quips, laughing a bit; in the background, someone calls out, "_YOU_!" The voice seems somewhat slurred, but any further words are drowned in the electric zing of several laser-bolts, crashing into the completely-unaware Jace with accompanying crackles and throwing him – or, apparently, his new corpse – toppling off the barstool.

Into the frame strides Wolf O'Donnell, of Starfox fame, who has apparently mistaken our intrepid star for a certain Starfox himself. O'Donnell, already three sheets to the wind, laughs briefly over the corpse of our unfortunate friend, before seating himself on the barstool and demanding a bourbon chaser. The camera-picture fizzles to itself, then goes black.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 3: Trespassing

**Death: By Video-Game Character**

**Chapter Three: Trespassing**

Last time, you may remember that Jace was shot through with lasers, killed in a case of mistaken identity by a drunken anthropomorphic personification.

If you can say those last two words clearly, you're NOT drunk.

If you can UNDERSTAND them, you're smarter than you look.

If you can place where this particular intro stole it's style from, you must REALLY like cartoons.

Once more, the camera fizzles to life, this time, it finds Jace seated it yet another office, but this one much more… well-furnished than the first. Whereas the other was more-or-less bare, this office was rather sleek, with plush carpet and a glass-and-brushed-steel motif to the design. Behind a large, glass-topped desk, Jace is seated in a high-backed leather chair, and gives the camera a little wave.

"Hey, everyone! I bet you're surprised to see me, eh? I don't blame you; I mean, I'm barely able to believe it. I thought I was dead fer sure after that run-in with O'Donnell, but…"

He trails off, and shrugs.

"Y'know, it's actually an interesting story. See, after I was shot, I was dragged outside and dumped in an alley. Right when I was about to REALLY kick the bucket, as it were, a strange personage in black full-on body-armor stumbled in from the street. He – or she, maybe, it was kinda hard to tell – fell over and died not three feet from me, and a strange chill passed through my barely-living body. Next thing I know, I feel re-energized!

"I managed to stand, my wounds miraculously healing, and – after noting the dead body was apparently a bounty-hunter – I rejoiced in the fact that I was alive! Alive!"

Jace pauses a moment, frowning slightly, and adds, "Granted, with a strange voice in my head calling itself 'O'Malley,' but…"

He shrugs nonchalantly, smiling brightly. "Oh well. Anyway, my wounds were patching themselves up, and after staggering away, I managed to use to newfound and inexplicable combat-skills to hijack a starship with a para-dimensional warp-drive and scarpered. I wound up landing on the helipad atop this building, and as I haven't yet met any random guards, I decided this was as good a place as any to broadcast the happy news of my survival.

"Somewhere along the way, I also lost that voice in my head, so that's a plus, too!"

Grinning brightly, Jace's grin begins to fade as the low thrum of distant helicopter-rotors becomes more and more prominent.

"Wha—?"

A black speck in the distance is visible in the large glass window behind him, and as it slowly comes closer, it can be identified as a helicopter, the source of the sound. It seems to be trailing a retractable rope-ladder beneath it, and someone seems to be standing on the lower rungs; as Jace half-turns towards the window, three bullets come crashing through the glass, shattering the window-pane and slamming through Jace's chest. He slumps forward, unmoving, as the helicopter hovers outside the window; the gunman is a blond man in his late teens or early twenties, wearing a white trenchcoat and carrying a smoking shotgun in the hand not clinging to the rope-ladder.

He leaps lightly from the ladder to the interior of his office, glowering disdainfully down at dead body.

"The security at this building is deplorable. They actually let someone block my helipad."

Reaching across the desk to depress the intercom-button, he says, "Scarlet, send someone in to clean this mess, and make a note: I'll be addressing the security forces later on about being vigilant. Also, I'm docking their pay, and I want a martini."

"Right away, President Rufus," says the sultry female voice on the other end of the line.

**TBC**


End file.
